I never expected to be where/what I am today. Like most young people, I had ambition, drive, ideas, energy and abilities. I was physically fit and assumed that I would remain so. Looking at women older than myself, I would often think, "I'll never be like that." I wouldn't gain weight or wear "matronly" clothing or give up on what I wanted. My attitude would remain positive and I would not give up on my goals. Yet, here I am in my mid fifties, looking and behaving in exactly those undesired ways. What happened? And more important, what do I do about it now?
Looking at and reading motivational and self-improvement books and websites, they all seem to be relentlessly cheerful and optimistic, touting the idea that it's never too late to go after your dreams. Well, I'm here to say that that's a load of *!$%#.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that change is impossible. What I AM saying is that it can be really tough. Whatever the reasons are that get us to our undesired versions of ourselves in midlife, those reasons are real. Life is, at times, quite difficult. We are thrown curves that we never anticipated and, little by little, our former chipper, ambitious selves are chipped away. The disappointments, the battles, the health issues, the job changes, the financial worries, the deaths, the challenges of family life - all of these add up and slowly, little by little, can change us. We wake up one day, having been so busy catching those "curve balls", and realize we are not longer anywhere on the field we started on.
Then, having realized that we are nowhere close to where we wanted to be, we have no idea what the map is for getting back to, or even close to, our former selves. Meanwhile, the curves and their respective difficulties, may still be very present in our lives.
So, how to begin anew? To be honest, I don't have a neat and complete answer for that. I'm just starting that journey myself. What I can say is that one needs to get out of one's normal realm. Being around different people or trying/learning something new gives you a new experience of yourself. For example, not too long ago, I said "yes" to being more involved in an organization of which I am a member, and to serve on its Executive Board. Being essentially a loner, doing this was a stretch out of my comfort zone. However, being around people that I don't normally see and who have a different perspective on who I am and my abilities, really jolted me out of my depressive fog. It allowed me to reconnect with some of my strengths and to realize that, at least in some circles, others saw me as competent and having certain strengths. That, in turn, gave me energy to act on those strengths and do some other new things.
Take a class. Go to a workshop or seminar and learn some new skills or information. Do something that requires interaction with other people. By being around new people, one can get a renewed sense of self. Doing a new activity or new information can create a renewed sense of capability. Before one can follow all of those grand "Just Do It!" types of slogans, one has to find the energy. For me, at least, that energy has come from getting more involved (which is still a push for me) and exploring new ideas.
Has it totally changed me and my attitude? Have new ventures taken away any of the challenges that got me stuck in the first place? NO. But, it has given me the energy and bravery to try the next steps. Taking one step leads to the willingness to take another. And that, my friends, is what it takes. Take one little leap. And than another. And another...
Posts
